Category: Satire

Chronic Contractor

This developer is always looking for a gig. There is always something better. Chronic Contractors are expensive. Mileage per dollar varies.

They have battled many and because of this they see problems. Something about every gig frustrates them.

Chronic Contractor tend to work in cutting edge technologies and loathe older “inferior” technologies. They have no allegiance, they don’t care if the ship sinks, another is waiting in the docks.

Insecurinator Developer

This developer refuses to find a better job. They have had only one job, and they will not leave it — It’s the only breast they have fed from.

They are treated poorly, paid next to nothing yet they refuse to look for greener pastures. They have an unlimited supply of excuses; they may even in principle agree to find a new job, but they never will.

King of the Hill Developer

Typically this developer has been in few organizations. They tend to be the smart frog in the small pond. When another smarter developer joins them, they try to subjugate them. Tactics include withholding information, passive put downs and excessive explaining.

King of the Hill Developers have all the answers, similar to the Go To developer, they have the grand scheme in their minds and only give information as needed. When idea’s arise that are better or will make them look bad they vigorously deny the validity of the idea.

Since they work in a royal vacuum, their designs and code tend to be flawed.

The Ego Interviewer

You’ll begin the interview and the questions won’t feel right. They’ll be extremely technical border lining on absurd or they’ll be edge cases, in either case, specialized knowledge is required to answer correctly. The questions are a setup for failure and an opportunity for the interviewer to stroke their ego. In fact, the entire interview has little or nothing to do with the position. It’s all about the interviewer taking a hit off the validation crack-pipe.

Similar needy behavior will occur on the job. The Ego Interviewer will not hire someone who is smarter than them. They can’t have someone proving them wrong. They desire to be the smartest guy, the “go to guy” (an anti-pattern) of the group. Once they’ve decided they are smart and you are not, The Ego Interviewer will insist on explaining everything to you in the minutest detail. Again this is another strategy to display their intelligence and superiority.

The Ego Interviewer does not create a cohesive work environment, most developers in these environments will be on edge. The developers are secretly hoping the Ego Interviewer will be sick today.

The Ego Interviewer will continue to passively step on you to stroke their ego. If you challenge them they’ll stop at nothing to quell your defiance. They only way out is get them replaced or move to a different team.